Disturbed/ So Many Sos

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Or justified. I had a viral. For the second time. In the same week. Grrr!
Warning- I have taken to rambling.

Black. It is all black. No, wait, it is not. There is this tiny pin-prick of light, hovering in space. Its beam reach out towards me, but fade away as they get close. I find it irritating. I wish someone would turn it off.
Click.
Ah. Now it is all black. 
And I don't like it. I'd rather have that light on again. A single, constant focus for my irritation, to blame it all on. So much better than anger shooting off in all different and random directions without rhyme or reason.
So... I am done.
And to write this I have thunk and rethunk for the last one week. I have picked up my pen after what seemed like interminable years. It feels alien to my hand. My writing varies between font size 4 and 16. I thought my hand would shake too, but it didn't. It should have. It would have added to the rightness.
The past week has been a feverish hallucination. Today more so than ever. Now more so than ever. I fall into trance-like blues and tumble into hysteria which finally gives way into the mean reds. So has gone the cycle.
I have changed. I don't know what did it. I am now a bitch. And slow. I could be drunk. Or insane. Not suicidal though. So I like to think.
I have also become (more) dramatic. And repetitive. My apologies don't mean much. Maybe they never did...
I used to be nicer.
And I am sorry.
But don't believe me.
Also, don't comment.
-Xyz

Hm... No, I don't like this one. Not a lot. Maybe a bit... Maybe.

Of Naggings and Glazed Eyes

9th June
About CATE- They asked me about my favourite book. I should have written about Anna, just to show that I have read it. But I didn't. Would have been too big a lie. The Little Prince transcends description, which left me with Shadow Lines.

12th June
Dusty hot late mornings. Squinting through sweat and sun. Then suddenly a stranger comes along and does something trivial, but nice for you and you think about it for the rest of the day.

16th June
Drowning shadows... shadows drown... There are no shadows at night. There are no shadows also when there is nothing to cast it...
How about...
Bah!

17th June
Location- LSR
Time- 1330
Report- Two cats recline before me as I write, one gazing at me intently, the other at the first. Another prowls around at its own ease. The second one is now on its feet. It jumps up next to me and seat itself where my head was until recently. Yes, indeed, LSR campus- positively feline.

20th June
Apparently, most of the likes of Murphy's Law, Peter's Principle and Harris's Lament can be more succinctly put by way of what is known as the Jenkinson's Law, "It won't work.".

21st June
Cole's Law- slimly sliced cabbage.

27th June
"Phones now come with inbuilt dictionaries. I still prefer to use the phone to call one."

1st July
After a long time I wrote something vaguely creative, feel less confused, had insane fun, finished a book in a day and then looked for another. Good to be back.

2nd July
Cz, "I reached. Safe and sound, but dead."

4th July
It was raining. So I dragged a chair out and sat in it.

6th July
Feel drunk on overdose of satire. Want to turn up the volume of the radio enough to set the house vibrating. Also, have made standing in the rain a habit.

7th July
Shoot me already! No, wait until I am done with Stephen Leacock.

8th July
Long stretches of doing nothing do not go down quite as well as I had anticipated.

A Few Thousand Words

Clicked by an acquaintance at Mansarovar.

As Seen on a Tantra T-Shirt

One Night Stand

If only they had my size.

I took my time to realize that my phone number ends in 42.

Before the wryness settled in

I saw my marks and burst out into an absolutely hysterical cackle. 75 in English and 93 in Business Studies?! How did that come about?!

In battles and wars it is always the horses I pity.

A Bad Week

#1. Nearly drowned. Not very nearly, but nearly enough. And let me tell you, in case you have never been there, it is more of a strange sensation than particularly frightening (or, more plausibly my nervous system is plugged up all wrong). Almost gulped down mouthfuls of water, but remembered to not, saying to myself, "Ew! God knows what has been in here!",  and spewed it out reflexively. Somehow just did not remember to scream or, I don't know, lift my head and breathe. So, yes it sounds unreasonable, but, hey, in my defense I was conscious of how close the life-guard was and, thus, the consequent lack of need to panic and flail around, or rather, flail more than necessary. (The life-guard was pretty sure that I would not enter the pool for some time now, but I did, feeling all Douglas Adam-ish)
#2. Didn't make it to NLU-D. Damn. I did really want to. I knew I wouldn't, but it still wasn't pleasant seeing it in writing.
#3. Discovered I have ego issues. Never nailed myself to be the type to get all competitive. I normally am not. Hardly if ever. But there I was, going all red and hostile and feeling all sucky.
#4. Was weepy on pathetic things. Episode of Ghost Hunt, article in RD. Oh, boo!
#5. Had my wish fulfilled. Had more books to read than I can take (Gasp! Is this really happening?!). Most of them the wrong kind too (Gasp! They exist?!).
Plus side-
Mad Over Donuts (Sigh!)
Secrets and Lies (Finally)
Cookie something, Mother Dairy
Mother load of new songs!
I am so easy to please.

It is strange (and disorienting) how much one's (well, at least my) behavior can vary with the shade of one's nail-paint. Quite like Jughead and his beanie.
Key-
Glitter- bubbly, annoyingly so
Red- classy-ly trendy, somewhat
Black- rebellious in a "\m/" way
Green- punk
Pink- embarrassed (and here I look at it and pretend to wonder "how did this get here?")
I also realized how sinister black nailpainted fingers look. I looked down at my own hands, busily packing away the various notes I made on the important articles and amendments of our own darling and exhaustively vast constitution, yesterday and wondered, "Hands like these can't possibly be up to any good."
...
Name- KS (alias)
Age- 17
Current Status- nail-paint obsessed (beyond help *shudder*) 
...
Yup.

PS- In case you wondered, my CLAT went well. Not necessarily a good thing. It means it went well for a lot more people as well. Thus, there is a high chance the cut-off will be high too. Maybe I should just give up. I could always sell drugs. No, really, think of the scope, the opportunities... Bah!
 PPS- How can anyone possibly argue with the obvious superiority of Power Rangers Ninja Storm over  the other series?! It's a close one with Wild Force, but, eventually, it still wins.

No, I honestly cannot tell the difference between regular Dairy Milk and Dairy Milk Silk.. But, then, again, don't take my word for it, me being, after all, a girl with black nail enamel on one hand, glitter-on-colorless-base nail enamel (silver and gold alternatively) on the other and CLAT in two days. And I am hungry. Very.

On an aside, GK and Timbaland do not mix.

Who remembers that song that Manoj sings in RGV's Road? "Siski mein jo saas bhari thi pyar se mujhko bhar gayi re. Pehli nazar mein darri thi, doosri mein bhi darr gayi re." Killer!

Note to Self I- Stop being so punctual. It leads to twiddling with cells, feeling awkward, and making 'note-to-self's.
Note to Self II- Always carry your iPod. When feeling awkward you can always head-bang.

Wrote it don't know when-

Today I found a broken ring-
A rusted silver testimony
Of what once had been and no longer was.
A half written letter had I sent... ?
Flowers pressed dry swirled by
As I ruffled through the yellowed promises.
Today I found a smile
No longer wan and tight.
It cracked through the mold
That more restricted than masked,
And I can mean it now when I say,
"I am fine."

Go ahead, say it, it is very been there done that.
Okay, don't.

The things I find scribbled behind my notebooks!

I always fall for the antagonist. Not even almost always. Contrary the urge to strangle the protagonist for their sheer stupidity/impracticality/preachy-ness (Cz wrote about this recently). The bad guy also just so has 'it'. Don't ask what 'it' is. But he has it. And the other doesn't. So doesn't.
Epiphany of the day- I realized how less I knew about what I was most familiar with. Everybody does, I know, at some point. The whole taken-for-granted thingummy. But still, it surprises one.

Rut

I don't recall going through a writer's block longer than this one seems to last. Words simply escape me. Everyone knows that feeling of having a word almost on the tip of their tongue but not quite. So you know how absolutely frustrating it is. I am experiencing that. Every 5 minutes. Soon I'll slit a nerve or simply burst a vein if this doesn't change and fast.
Normally I don't get distracted by background noises. I mean, hello, I live in CP. But, recently, infact even right now, the faintest of whispers are more than enough to completely shatter any excuse of a creative thought I might be nurturing.
Epiphanies continue, of course, but I can no longer retain them long enough to thread them into any meaningful... meaningful... thing (godarnit!).
One of which I do remember is- it is almost always a choice between being happy and being right, isn't it.
My sentences are also slowly losing grammatical coherence.

Well. That's that.

PS- GK modules being the insipid things they are, I am balancing off going through them by reading Vampire Diaries. That's it, isn't it?! The reason behind this all!!! I don't even like the 'book' (if you must call it that)! I need a life! And a beer! And a knife! And my mommy!!!

Was ill. It rained. Couldn't resist. Got drenched. Am ill-er.

"You cannot learn a thing you think you know"
This line has haunted me ever since I heard it. The reason is lost to me.

An Error Message

Page not found.

So many years have passed since first you sought

the lands beyond the edges of the sky,

so many moons reflected in your eye,

(familiar newness, fear of leaving port),

since first you sought, and failed, and learned to fall,

(first hope, then cynicism, silent dread,

the countless stars, still counting overhead

the seconds to your final voyage of all...)

and last, in glory gold and red around

your greatest search, your final quest to know!

yet... ashes drift, the embers cease to glow,

and darkened life in frozen death is drowned;

and ashes on the swell are seen no more.

The silence surges. Error 404.

Remember the scene in K3G where Shahrukh gets off the helicopter and is running behind rotors and cars, the main focus being his legs? Do you think that was really him? Since you can't see his face, and the way he ran was very... nice, somehow. And, he being SK might not deign to unnecessarily exert himself for such a scene...?
...
Yes, I am weird. You should know that by now.

How about that song, Teri Or, from Singh is Kin(n)g. As a cousin pointed out, "Isn't it just every guy's dream? You know, to take a girl to this secluded place and... sing from one corner of it while she dances in the other?"

Second Day at the Gym

I creak.

First Day at the Gym

1. School gym teachers are angels.
2. There should be a law against misnomers.

45 minutes is all it took to deduce the above.
It has been half an hour since I came back home and I am still dizzy.
The trainer, by the way, has excellent taste in music. He can sing Highway to Hell to perfection, accent and all.
He is also quite ruthless with the stretches.

Of course, then, I have been waking up at 5:30 in the morning and going for prep classes. 4 hour long prep classes. 4 hour long with negligible break prep classes.

You see, me vacations are not turning out to be quite as relaxing as I had hoped they would be.

(I feel sick. Make the laptop stop moving!)

My cousin is the secretary-cum-accountant for the Dramatics and Cultural Association of his college, i.e. XLRI.
They call him the Count of DraCulA.

Today I got a request on facebook to join a page about how if a particular number of people joined the page some anti-India group would be deleted. Not the first one I have received. But, now that I do have all the time (I still get a kick out of saying that :D) I ran a Google search on the key words "Hate India". Among the first few results was a blog post by a person who had received a similar request on orkut. The post I liked. The comments...  :o
Initially, I found the whole thing mildly irritating. As I scrolled further it took a hilarious turn. Then it was sheer disbelief at the complete lack of logic of any sort in the comments. I had been there for 20 minutes, I suppose, when I started wondering how long was this going to take. Only then did it hit me to glance at the scroll bar. Without exaggeration the width of the thumb was '='. I found it hard to believe that so much, and that too trash as it promised to be, could be written on the topic. (Note- the post itself was not very angst-y or "screw you, you racist scum"-ish such as to incite such response and of such tones.) I scrolled to the very end expecting the heated and highly abusive conversation to dwindle down to regular spam and adware. He. Hehe. Hehehe. Clearly, my naivety blinds me into false hope.
To the very end the tenor only worsened (after a relative slump somewhere in the 2nd quarter). It become an international affair with people from all over the globe losing there handle in very unbecoming  fashion.
There were comments from people who confessed to hate the country and love it tremendously at the same time, a feat I would have till now considered impossible. There were people who posted the same (word for word) hate-comments against each other, only replacing names of people and places. There were facts and statements and quotes being flung around (authenticity being, of course, of not much importance). There were also people who called the previous comment racist and thus found it apt to be the same themselves.
Needless to say that the more... uh... impassioned comments were all posted anonymously.
The only thing that did impress me greatly was the tone of the replies made by the author of the post. He most admirably remained the sole person who refrained from abusing and only stated his opinions in the most gentle and refined manner.
"I did not join my friends in shutting down this hate community because I think every group has the right to freedom of speech (and its consequences). I may not agree with what they say, but I would defend their right to say what they want to say. I also think that as Indians we should stop being offended by trivial issues like burning of the National flag; as long as those burning the flag import the fabric and matchsticks from India, the parents of a few children in India would be earning money (in the textile and matchstick industry) to send them to school."
Touché.

Quotes from my teacher

Girls, men are like cotton- soft and easy to crack.

If I were a sage I would curse you!

Today there is going to be an earthquake... drill.

(When briefing the girls who were to stay back in class during the drill for the rescue squad)
They will wait- for either rescue or for death.

My boards are over.
First thing I did- bought a book.
About Al Capone.
And now I'll go to sleep and not care about when I have to wake up. It's not like I have to study.


: D

Snippets (2)

"Every thing's gonna be alright. Don't you be afraid when things go bump in the night.
Get closer to me and baby hold on tight
'Cause every thing's gonna be alright."
- Alvin and the Chipmunks

"It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope,
Which then turned into a quite thought,
Which then turned into a quite word.
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry.
I'll come back when you call me.
No need to say goodbye."
- Regina, ost Prince Caspian.

"Rooth na jana tum se kahoon to,
Main in ankhon mein jo rahoon to.
Tum yeh jano ya na jano,
Tum yeh mano ya na mano,
Mere jaisa diwana tum paoge nahin.
Yaad karo ge main jo na hoon to
Rooth na jana tum se kahoon to"
- Need I say?

"Is rang badalti duniya mein kya tera hai kya mera he,
Dekh bhai dekh, dekh bhai dekh,
Zamana hai rangeen."
- DBD

"Tum jo mil gaye ho, to ye lagataa hain,
 Ke jahaan mil gayaa."
- Mohammad Rafi (I had to look this up. I knew the song only from the Coke ad.)

This time, shoot the one listening to me sing. I make one wish for a kinder death.
Muahahahaha!

-,_-

To do in April...


New 'To do in April' List-
-> CLAT Classes

*Sigh*
...
...
...

Hey, try saying that fast- "CLAT Classes, CLAT Classes, CLAT Classes, CLAT Classes..."

A Man I Know

I asked him once when I was much younger, "How do I catch a ball?". "Well, first you have to look at it and only at it. Your hands will know the rest." More recently he told me, when I was very nearly a wreck, "You are supposed to worry the whole year. But not the day before the exam. At worse you won't do well. But even that can't make you stop being you. You'll remain my daughter, in spite of it all."
He told a 7 year old about focus, a 17 year old about individuality.
Yes, he is full of good and practical advice. For which I love him.
And that goes some way to make his jokes bearable.
Just.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.
- Ambrose Bierce

If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found the time to conquer the world.
- Heinrich Heine

Look wise; say nothing and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
- William Osler

The most precious things in speech are pauses.
- Ralph Richardson

I have been a believer in the magic of language since, at a very early age, I discovered that some words got me into trouble and others got me out.
- Katherine Dunn

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
- Mark Twain

Icky icky icky icky fKANG zoop-boing n zowzyin...
- The Knights who so recently said "Nee!", Monty Python

I did some major blog advertising yesterday.
Worked!
My deep, sincere love to all I threatened.

Do you people think I should revert to the old header pic.?

"Dharti Mein 'Pralay'!"

Breaking News:
" 30 din mein 313 baar dharti mein dhadam-dhadam!"

-India TV

I have also taken to speaking to myself. Out loud.

Barely English, or perhaps not at all

Wheels of Dawn (Akatsuki no Kuruma)

You so-ho-HO have to listen to (and read: english subtitles) this one.
It is a Japanese song sung by  Yuuka Nanri.

And, someone please translate this for me-
‘Lordy, them as is on the rattling lay don’t take to slumming kens!’
I believe it belongs to some Heyer book. Found it scribbled behind my eco notebook. I must have pondered upon the rather obscure remark myself sometime. Clearly, I failed. Maybe it's in code...
Well, your guess is as good as mine.

My fashion evolution-
Pink (barbies and lip-gloss)- Trendy (branded all the way)- Casual (comfy and fun)- Baggy (yeah, whatever, just throw stuff on)- Goth (black is lifestyle)- Punk (we are talking thumb-rings and blue nail-paint)
Next, I have a vibe, is gonna be Chic to the extreme.

Also, the right kinda guys just don't exist. Fine, so maybe Sesshomaru is a bit too much to ask, but Takumi Fujiwara would do just as well. 

"Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
The way you're actin' lately makes me doubt
You's is still my baby-baby
Seems my flame in your heart's done gone out"

Plunk-Plunk Plunk-Plunk Plunk-Plunk Plunk-Plunk
Plunk-Plunk Plunk-Plunk Plunk-Plunk Plunk-Plunk 

Sob!

Sniff! I... (hic)... I... (hic)... I-I-I try t-tuh-to write, but I can't! I-I try tuh write a poem, b-but it just doesn't come! I am losing it!
Bawl!

How does one tell if their English paper has gone well?
My literature segment was good if that is any indication.

I just had some de-fizzed coke in a beer mug... and then tried to write a poem about it... titled 'Having de-fizzed coke in a beer mug...' ...
Hm...

Boarded-up Thoughts

1^st February

Slippery words swirl and twirl,

But deviously elude grasp.

Well, nothing be done 'bout that,

Another time perhaps.

2^nd February

"The web was woven curiously."

So it was.

Forgive me for thinking the girl foolish.

3^rd February

People who try to restore my faith succeed as they have me praying for patience.

4^th February

Backyardigans are really fun. While surfing I happened to pause at an episode where they sang- "What do you do with a scurvy pirate? You make him walk the plank. You raid his ship and take his treasure... and put it in a bank.". The future economic-policy makers are in good hands.

5^th February

A casual observation- In a story, being drunk is such a convenient excuse for the characters to do unjustifiable but essential things to save the story from stagnancy. Confessions, murders, seductions, heists. Et all.

9^th February

Why do they apply for shares they cannot pay for?!

13^th February

My poised pen pleads catharsis... It has my apologies.

14^th February

It is a wonder how much I am able to write about not being able to write. There is a message in there somewhere.

15^th February

Kitsune. Cat o none-tails. Will o wisp. Jack o lantern. Grindylow. Aleya. Vetaal. Vampier. Upier. Mara.

16^th February

"I wonder how, I wonder why,

Yesterday you told me about the blue blue sky,

But all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree."

17^th February

"a song to sing"...

18^th February

For a song to sing,

A promise ring,

A low-hung branch

With a wood-plank swing,

A lone lush glade,

An escapade,

There can't be much

I would not trade.

19^nd February

"What does light taste like?"

20^th February

Each clue of the Cryptic Crossword tells such stories!

21^th February

Kanpur?! POTF came to Kanpur?! Why-wha-who-HUH?! But they don't even know who they are! Who organised it?! Give me the names! *Sniff* Justice is a myth.

22^th February

"I was born into the Jewish persuasion, but when I got older I converted to narcissism."  

23^th February

Last night I played a game on Facebook where, due to virtual-money constraints I had to choose between a new boyfriend and a pair of heels. Tsk, tsk. Nihilism.

PS- I went for the heels.

24^th February

To turn into random roads to wonder only later where one is headed. My mom is not the kind of person one meets everyday.

25^th February

The only thing sustaining me as of now is the thought of a bonfire. Of textbooks. Maybe I'll buy a few additional copies of BS and math for the purpose.

26^th February

Having a picture of a really (due emphasis) hot guy on ones desktop is so blissfully distracting.

27^th February

Passion Colours Everything, Diamonds for Tears, Call, All I Want... life is beautiful.

28^th February

"A-G-L-E-T. Aglet! Don't forget it."

1^st March

I look really pretty in a foggy mirror. I really do.

2^nd March

Mom opened a long-forgotten trunk and found my sisters and my ghungroos which had been taken to be lost. *Scribbles something in my already too long 'To do in April list' *

4^th March

Taylor Lautner, Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Heyer-heroes... life is beautiful-er.

5^th March

Okay, fine! So I caved! Blog-addiction, allow me to remind you, is hardly a sue-able crime.

One down...
Never again am I going to do Business Studies. *breaks into a dance*