Disturbed/ So Many Sos

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Or justified. I had a viral. For the second time. In the same week. Grrr!
Warning- I have taken to rambling.

Black. It is all black. No, wait, it is not. There is this tiny pin-prick of light, hovering in space. Its beam reach out towards me, but fade away as they get close. I find it irritating. I wish someone would turn it off.
Click.
Ah. Now it is all black. 
And I don't like it. I'd rather have that light on again. A single, constant focus for my irritation, to blame it all on. So much better than anger shooting off in all different and random directions without rhyme or reason.
So... I am done.
And to write this I have thunk and rethunk for the last one week. I have picked up my pen after what seemed like interminable years. It feels alien to my hand. My writing varies between font size 4 and 16. I thought my hand would shake too, but it didn't. It should have. It would have added to the rightness.
The past week has been a feverish hallucination. Today more so than ever. Now more so than ever. I fall into trance-like blues and tumble into hysteria which finally gives way into the mean reds. So has gone the cycle.
I have changed. I don't know what did it. I am now a bitch. And slow. I could be drunk. Or insane. Not suicidal though. So I like to think.
I have also become (more) dramatic. And repetitive. My apologies don't mean much. Maybe they never did...
I used to be nicer.
And I am sorry.
But don't believe me.
Also, don't comment.
-Xyz

Hm... No, I don't like this one. Not a lot. Maybe a bit... Maybe.